Steal This! Super-Happy Quick Random-Roll Adventure!

It's game night! You have everything you need; dice, pencils, GM screen, snacks, a ball-gag for problem players and a saucy playlist qued-up and ready to go. The group will be there in five short minutes, and that is when it hits you like a crushing wall trap.

Shit! You forgot to prep tonight's game!

Somewhere in between work, sleep, yoga and keeping your home at least somewhat sanitary you managed to forget the most basic of GM essentials; the adventure.

Fear not my procrastinating purveyor of polyhedron pageantry, your beneficent bard has you covered. Below is a series of random roll tabled that will get your game up and running in five minutes so you can focus on what you do best... frantically rolling encounters behind your screen and praying the players don't see you sweat.

They can smell fear.

Setting: Where does this epic tale take place?

Starting Point (1d6)
  1. City (d100 1-50% Small, 51-100% Large)
  2. Town (d100 1-50% Small, 51-100% Large)
  3. Village
  4. Structure
  5. Remote Location
  6. Roll Twice (Ignore 6 if rolled again. 1, 2, and 3 can only be rolled once, after ignore all rolls of 1,2 or 3)

Structures (1d8)
  1. Tavern/Inn
  2. Guild Hall
  3. Temple
  4. Manor House/Palace
  5. Prison/Torture Chamber
  6. Home
  7. Ship/Barge
  8. Fortress/Keep

Remote Location (1d6)
  1. Island
  2. Mountain
  3. Swamp
  4. Isolated Valley
  5. Empty Stretch of Road
  6. Other Plane

Enemies: What foes will challenge your intrepid heroes?

Primary Villain (1d8)
  1. Humanoid
  2. Monstrous Humanoid/Monstrosity
  3. Undead
  4. Aberration
  5. Elemental
  6. Outsider (d100 1-50% Devil, 51-100% Demon)
  7. Dragon
  8. Construct
  9. Fae
  10. Roll Twice (Ignore 6 if rolled again)

If Humanoid, Class Levels
  1. Barbarian
  2. Bard
  3. Cleric
  4. Druid
  5. Fighter
  6. Monk
  7. Paladin (Fallen)
  8. Ranger
  9. Rogue
  10. Sorcerer

Other Monsters/Enemies (d100)
1-50% Villain Commands/Controls Monsters/Enemies
51-100% Villain has no control over other monsters/enemies in area

Other Monsters/Enemies in the Area (1d8)
  1. Bandits
  2. Goblinoids (1d6 1-2 Goblins, 3-4 Hobgoblins, 5-6 Bugbears)
  3. Orcs
  4. Kobolds
  5. Undead
  6. Outsiders (d100 1-50% Devil, 51-100% Demon)
  7. Subterranean Menaces (1d6 1-2 Drow, 3-4 Deurgar, 5-6 Illithids)
  8. Plant
  9. Fae
  10. Roll Twice (Ignore 6 if rolled again)

Location Of Primary Villain (1d8)
  1. Mine (d100 1-50% Active, 51-100% Abandoned)
  2. Hiding In Populated Area (1d6 1-2 City, 3-4 Town, 5-6 Village)
  3. Ruined Fortress/Keep
  4. Cave System/Caverns
  5. Crypt/Tomb
  6. Another Plane
  7. Temple
  8. Hut In Remote Location (Roll on Remote Location Table)

Surrounding Geography (1d8)
  1. Forest
  2. Desert
  3. Mountains
  4. Hills
  5. Swamp/Marshes
  6. Plains
  7. Tundra
  8. Urban

Conflict: What is the problem here?

Conflict (1d6)
  1. Recent Murders/Sacrifices
  2. Raids
  3. Stolen Items
  4. Plague/Illness
  5. Missing people/children
  6. Roll Twice (Ignore 6 if rolled again)

Conflict Brought To The Attention of Characters By... (1d6)
  1. Dying Man/Woman's Last Words
  2. Public Official/Law Enforcement
  3. Business Owner/Barkeep
  4. Villager/Traveler
  5. AMBUSH!
  6. Vision/Dream (1-50% Experienced by a Player Character, 51-100% Related by a stranger/fortune teller)

Resolution: How it all ends...

Resolution If The Characters Are Victorious (1d4)
  1. Defeat of the Primary Villain, everything goes back to normal.
  2. Defeat of the Primary Villain, but the characters find evidence of its involvement another creature/entity. (d100 1-50% The Primary Villain was working with this other creature/entity, 51-100% The Primary Villain was working for this other creature/entity)
  3. Defeat of the Primary Villain reveals secret entrance to a dungeon/extension of current dungeon.
  4. Defeat of the Primary Villain creates a power vacuum, and another creature assumes the role of power (roll on the Primary Villain Table)

Resolution If The Characters Flee (1d4)
  1. The Primary Villain continues its objective.
  2. The Primary Villain becomes more powerful, and now poses a greater threat.
  3. The Primary Villain gathers more creatures to its banner, bolstering its ranks.
  4. The Primary Villain is killed by another creature, that is more cunning and dangerous (d100 1-50% creature was an underling of the Primary Villain, 51-100% the creature was a rival of the Primary Villain)

Resolution If The Characters Are Killed (1d4)
  1. The Characters are resurrected by the Primary Villain, or its allies.
  2. The Characters are resurrected by another sinister group/creature.
  3. The Characters are resurrected by a potential ally/allies.
  4. The Characters are resurrected by a potential ally/allies, but a great deal of time has passed, and the Primary Villain's machinations have come to fruition.

Also, because of the awesomeness that is the internet, and the commendable people who use its power for good instead of evil, the Super-Happy Quick Random-Roll Adventure is now available over on donjon thanks to the efforts of +drow elf.

And there you have, my friends. Adventure in a can! Now you can spend your spare time doing important things like... peopleing... and... cat shaving... and, er... what is it the kids do these days? Develop lasting interpersonal relationships. Is that still a thing?

Roll on with your heads held high!
+Ed The Bard 

Looking for some extra aids to make your game really pop? Check out the Open Gaming Store. Tell them The Bard sent you.

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